TheDailyTickle.com

Brad, a local beachgoer, couldn’t even get a second look from any of the girls on the beach. So he headed over to the lifeguard tower to see if the lifeguard had any advice for him.

“Dude, it’s obvious,” said the lifeguard. “You’re wearing those gnarly old swimming trunks that make you look like an old geezer. They’re years outta style. Your best bet is to get yourself a Speedo—say, two sizes too small—and drop a potato inside it. You’ll have all the babes you can handle.”

The following weekend, Brad hits the beach with his brand-spanking-new tight Speedo and his potato, and it’s not long before he approaches the lifeguard tower once more.

“For cryin’ out loud,” said Brad, “it’s worse than before! Everyone on the beach acts disgusted as I walk by—covering their faces, turning away, laughing! What’s wrong now?”

“Jeez, Brad!” said the lifeguard, “The potato goes in front!”

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER:
8-years old. Hateful little bastard. – Bites!

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES:
Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog..
able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG:
Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED:
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK EXERCISE MACHINE:
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES:
California grown – 89 cents/lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY:
Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE:
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

And the best one?:

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer
needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seals?
They both get clubbed by Norwegians.

That’s the first time Tiger Woods has failed to drive 300 yards

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree … he couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
Perhaps Tiger should have used a driver

I find it’s a nightmare driving at 2.05am: sometimes you can’t see the Woods for the trees.

Tiger’s wife went for him after he scored a birdie.

What was the second worst part of Tiger’s car accident? The police found the driver in the trunk.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.

What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.