TheDailyTickle.com

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night,

when behind him he hears:

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

FASTER…

FASTER…

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping

clappity-BUMP…

clappity-BUMP…

clappity-BUMP…

on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket…

and……………….

(hopefully you’re really ready for this!!!)

The coffin stops!

This morning on the way to work, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac, doing 75 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds, and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don’t scare easily. But she scared me so much, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the phone, soaked my trousers and disconnected an important call. Damn women drivers!!