TheDailyTickle.com

When you have an ‘I Hate My Job Day’, [even if retired you have those sometimes] try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken..

Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully.

You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

‘Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized.’

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, ‘I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.’

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER,

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS.

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, ‘Dad, how many Kinds of boobs are there?’

The father, surprised, answers, ‘Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20’s, a woman’s boobs are like melons, round and firm. In her 30’s to 40’s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.’

‘Onions?’

‘Yes, you see them and they make you cry.’

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, ‘Mom, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?’

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, ‘Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20’s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30’s and 40’s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After 50, it is like a Christmas tree.’

‘A Christmas tree?’

‘Yes — dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.’