TheDailyTickle.com

What did Salvador Dali have for breakfast? A bowl of surreal.

A guy jumps into an open manhole and kills himself by drowning. What’s the cause of death? Sewercide.

How does Gus the Dog like his eggs cooked for breakfast? Pooched.

Where does Gus the Dog get his life insurance? Mutt Life.

Thanks to David Manzi for these knee-slappers.

Have you heard about the hockey game at the leper colony?

There was a face-off at center ice.

(Hey, it made me laugh.)

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

“Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?”

“Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn. “You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.”

“He’s an asshole,” John said. “Piss on him.”

“You did,” came the reply. “And he fired you.”

“Well, screw him!” said John.

“I did. You’re back at work on Monday.

A man walks into a bar and says ‘Bartender give me a triple shot of Jack’.

The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says ‘Another’.

The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says ‘Another’.

As the bartender pours the third glass he says, ‘Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?’

The man says, ‘Ten years, ten years I’ve been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her.’

The bartender says ‘Geez, what did you say.’

The man says ‘ I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!’