TheDailyTickle.com

One day a man went on a business trip to Florida.

He saw this hooker and he asked “How much for a hand job?”

The hooker replied “100 Bucks”

The man said “100 Bucks, That’s a lot of damn money”

So the hooker pulled him to the side and said “See that Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs.”

So he gave her the money and received the best hand job he had ever had.

The next day he sees her and asks “How much for a head job?”

She said “200 dollars”

“200 dollars, that’s a lot of money.”

She pulled him to the side and said “You see that yacht by the pier, I paid for that yacht by giving head jobs.”

So he gives her the money, and gets the best head job of his life

On his last day in Florida he returns to the hooker and says “The hand job was good, the head job was great. How much for the whole package?”

“1000 dollars”

“1000 dollars, that’s a lot of damn money”

So she pulled him to side and said “You see that island, I could afford that if i had a vagina.”

1. What do you call a pantry full of lesbians? ..
A licker cabinet.

2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? …
A Klondyke.

3. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns? .
Militia Etheridge.

4. Why can’t lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time?
Because they can’t eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face.

5. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? ….
Fur Traders.

6. What is a lesbian dinosaur called? …..
A Lickalotapuss.

7. What do you call a lesbian with long fingers? …
Well Hung.

8. Did you hear that Ellen DeGeneres drowned? …
She was found face down in Ricki Lake.

9. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? .
Even the pool table doesn’t have balls.

10. What do you call lesbian twins? .
Lick-a-likes.

11. What’s the definition of confusion? …
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

12. What’s the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
One’s a snack cracker, the other’s a crack snacker.

13. What do you have when you’ve got 50 lesbians and 50 state workers?
100 people that don’t do dick.

A rather ugly man walks into a bar with a big grin on his face, and orders a draft beer.

‘What are you so happy about?’ asks the Bartender.

‘Well, I’ll tell you,’ replies the ugly man. ‘As you know, I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home from the bar, last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, just like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free, and took her back to my place.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything: me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!’

‘Fantastic, you lucky bastard!’ exclaimed the Bartender. Was she pretty?’

‘Don’t know. Never found the head.”

She was Soooooooo Blonde…

* She thought a quarterback was a refund.

* She thought General Motors was in the army.

* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

* At the bottom of an application where it says “Sign here:” she wrote “Sagittarius.”

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde…

* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.

* Under “education” on her job application, she put “Hooked On Phonics.”

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde…

* She tripped over a cordless phone.

* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said “Concentrate.”

* She told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK.”

* She tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde…

* She studied for a blood test.

* She sold the car for gas money.

* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.

* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde…

* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

* She thought if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.

* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.

* She had a shirt that said “TGIF,” which she thought stood for “This Goes In Front.”

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde…

She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

1. The Doctor – who tells her to “take off all her clothes.”

2. The Dentist – who tells her to “open wide.”

3. The Milkman – who asks her “do you want it in the front or the back?”

4. The Hairdresser – who asks her “do you want it teased or blown?”

5. The Interior Designer – who assures her “once it’s inside, you’ll LOVE it!”

6. The Banker – who insists to her “if you take it out too soon, you’ll lose interest!”

7. The Primal Hunter – who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her “Keep quiet and lie still!”