TheDailyTickle.com

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck.

Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw.

Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, ‘Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women – what’s his secret? He’s as ugly as sin and I’m everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night – What’s going on?’

‘Well,’ Said the Barman, ‘I don’t know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows…’

>A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about
>which place had the toughest trees.
> The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could
> peck.
> The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole
> in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.
> The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a
> tree in Canada that was absolutely ‘impeckable’ (a term frequently used by
> woodpeckers). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do
> it and accepted the challenge.
>
> The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked
> the so-called ‘impeckable’ tree almost without breaking a sweat.
> Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian
> woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker
> was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree
> in their own country?
> After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:
> Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you’re away from home.

One day a man went on a business trip to Florida.

He saw this hooker and he asked “How much for a hand job?”

The hooker replied “100 Bucks”

The man said “100 Bucks, That’s a lot of damn money”

So the hooker pulled him to the side and said “See that Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs.”

So he gave her the money and received the best hand job he had ever had.

The next day he sees her and asks “How much for a head job?”

She said “200 dollars”

“200 dollars, that’s a lot of money.”

She pulled him to the side and said “You see that yacht by the pier, I paid for that yacht by giving head jobs.”

So he gives her the money, and gets the best head job of his life

On his last day in Florida he returns to the hooker and says “The hand job was good, the head job was great. How much for the whole package?”

“1000 dollars”

“1000 dollars, that’s a lot of damn money”

So she pulled him to side and said “You see that island, I could afford that if i had a vagina.”

1. What do you call a pantry full of lesbians? ..
A licker cabinet.

2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? …
A Klondyke.

3. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns? .
Militia Etheridge.

4. Why can’t lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time?
Because they can’t eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face.

5. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? ….
Fur Traders.

6. What is a lesbian dinosaur called? …..
A Lickalotapuss.

7. What do you call a lesbian with long fingers? …
Well Hung.

8. Did you hear that Ellen DeGeneres drowned? …
She was found face down in Ricki Lake.

9. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? .
Even the pool table doesn’t have balls.

10. What do you call lesbian twins? .
Lick-a-likes.

11. What’s the definition of confusion? …
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

12. What’s the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
One’s a snack cracker, the other’s a crack snacker.

13. What do you have when you’ve got 50 lesbians and 50 state workers?
100 people that don’t do dick.

A rather ugly man walks into a bar with a big grin on his face, and orders a draft beer.

‘What are you so happy about?’ asks the Bartender.

‘Well, I’ll tell you,’ replies the ugly man. ‘As you know, I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home from the bar, last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, just like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free, and took her back to my place.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything: me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!’

‘Fantastic, you lucky bastard!’ exclaimed the Bartender. Was she pretty?’

‘Don’t know. Never found the head.”